i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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