I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
FUCK WHALES
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