fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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