I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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