Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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