im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
nutella sex= disaster
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
