Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
