dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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