someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
