We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize