He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
only you would photoshop your dick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize