Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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