We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
