Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
