no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
