very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
