Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
