You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
