just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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