If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
