Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
