Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
