well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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