Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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