I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
