Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
