one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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