Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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