He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
True strength comes from lack of pants
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
