Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
