Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
