the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
