The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
