Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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