My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
