All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
