who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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