after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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