I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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