when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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