hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize