I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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