He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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