if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My dick has a subreddit
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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