I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ladies don't puke and tell
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize