You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
