Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
