Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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