Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
