He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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