I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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