Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
