The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
