when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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