My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
