Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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