I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize