So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
