Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
