I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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