we have pet lesbian snakes
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
