Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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