There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize