we have pet lesbian snakes
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
