I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
