I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
