sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
