my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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