Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I like you better when you drink

(708): View more from Illinois

I like you better when I drink too

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(828): View more from North Carolina

so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.

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(804): View more from Virginia

i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'

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(831): View more from California

Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy

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(623): View more from Arizona

You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.

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