He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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