Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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